Billionaires Against Regulating Finance (B.A.R.F)

by Dollars and Sense

A public service announcement on behalf of America's most oppressed minority: billionaires.



FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE - September 29, 2009
Contact: Beemer N. Mazzerati (aka Steve Schnapp)
(857) 277-7868 sschnapp@faireconomy.org

"Billionaires Against Regulating Finance" to Face Off with Protesters in Boston's Financial District Day of Action set for Thursday, October 1, 2009

Boston, MA, September 29th, 2009 - In response to the so-called "March Against a Jobless Recovery" planned for Thursday, October 1, 2009, the Billionaires Against Regulating Finance (BARF), an activist group for the wealthy and the corporate elite, will protest the march in full suit and gown at Bank of America in Boston's financial district between 4:30 and 5:30 pm.

According to the event organizers, "The federal government gave hundreds of billions of taxpayer dollars to bail out big businesses, but corporations, in turn, are not creating the jobs that were promised."

BARF members strongly oppose the claim of a "jobless recovery." Stockson Bond, board chairman of investment banking firm, Goldin Racks, remarked, "Of course jobs have been created. Have you seen the number of foreclosed homes in the US? There must be hundreds, maybe even thousands, of people needed to print and post foreclosure yard signs. And don't forget about career counseling. That field is booming with the unemployment rate hovering at 10 percent!"

Gree D. Bastid, chief executive of Smells Fargo, noted, "To the extent that job creation is slower than preferred by the marchers, BARF's message is clear: Stop Whining! The fact is, we couldn't possibly create millions of jobs AND get our huge, hard-earned bonuses. Keeping our top talent is number one. It's all about priorities."

The Billionaires are prepared to defend corporate executives against the marchers' unfair claim that a recovery for Wall Street does not equate to a recovery for Main Street. Beau Ness, Vice President of Banking on America, fumed, "I resent the idea that these people don't consider Wall Street a part of Main Street. Complex derivatives and credit default swaps are as vital to average Americans and the economy as the neighborhood grocery or hardware store!"

BARF commends Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner's recent action at the G-20 summit in Pittsburgh, where he rejected French President Nicolas "May-As-Well-Be-Communist" Sarkozy's outrageous proposal to place hard caps on financial executives' compensation. A triumphant Mr. Ciyo crowed, "Earlier this year, Tim talked tough to the American people about our taxpayer-funded bonuses. But we knew that when the rubber hit the road, he'd be with us 100 percent. It feels great to see our political 'investments' paying off."

$$$

Labels: BARF, billionaires, financial activism, jobs

 

Please consider donating to Dollars & Sense and/or subscribing to the magazine (both print and e-subscriptions now available!).
9/30/2009 11:25:00 AM