Sexy Comrades and the City

by Dollars and Sense

This hilarious item is from MRZine:

Sex sans the City (A Post-Marxist Preview)

by Susie Day

Many capitalist roaders say the Left is out of touch with popular culture. Well, I say NYET to that! Here, for instance, is an episode of Sex and the City that I translated for my Marxist-Leninist study group, so that we may better throw off our Tiffany chains.

[Scene I: Chic, Upper West Side restaurant]

SAMANTHA: [Striding in elegantly and sitting at table where the girls are waiting] Greetings, comrades! How glad I am that I—sexy, 50-year-old blonde girl, being fabulous and having much sex with men—meet you in favorite haute bourgeois bistro for sex talk. Look at dick of sultry, ethnic waiter—is not fabulous?

MIRANDA: [Rummaging impatiently through briefcase] Waiter dick unimportant for proper ordering, comrade. I, being caustic, hard-driven attorney with bright red hair, styled to evoke Great Mistakes in Hedge Trimming, no have time for frivolity. Must get back to office to shill for corporate capital—

SAMANTHA: Ooh, "shill"—sounds sexy, comrade!

MIRANDA: It is, comrade! Today, I defend sexy Fortune 500 Company owning Indian Point—nuclear power plant making much electricity for city—from selfish, unsexy officials who warn of nuclear disaster. My logic: Why upset capitalist system?

CHARLOTTE: [Sighing pertly] For myself, comrades, I—token person of dark hair color—esteem the finding of Perfect Monogamous Soul Mate as most high goal in consumerist free market society. This is exalted dream for which masses labor, regardless of increasing work hours, fear of layoff, dwindling surplus profit, endless war—and possible nuclear disaster. Heedless, heedless masses!

CARRIE: [Flexing highly toned abs, set off to perfection by jaunty, $5,000 Christian Dior ensemble resembling clothes of Carmen Miranda after werewolf attack] Ah, comrades—how good it is to exploit our lives in my column, earning many thousands of dollars more than other writers who, unlike me, have college vocabulary and knowledge of world history! [She signals waiter]

Greetings, comrade bit actor of exotic descent who is destined to receive five dollars each time this episode is played in rerun! Please give us four of your most costly watercress omelets, removing yoke and other caloric nutrients. Hurry—before more radioactive groundwater leaches from Indian Point into Hudson River!

CHARLOTTE: Comrade! This is too much food! Is not anorexia neoliberal pre-condition for true female happiness?

CARRIE: You are mistaken, comrade. We must order many expensive things—regardless of whether we shall actually consume them—so that our power may grow! Profit motive of late capitalism dictates terms of feminine value and we must obey.

Read the whole piece here.

Labels: communism, late capitalism, MRZine, Sex and the City, Susie Day

 

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6/26/2008 11:54:00 AM